As most of you may know my name is Stephanie Kessler. My husband Josh and I have been married for two and half years. We both spent most of our younger years in Spokane, Washington where both our families still live. A few years out of high school we both decided to move to Michigan to attend to a great school, Grace Bible college. For Josh's school internship we both decided we would love to go Africa. Both of us had spent some time there seperatley before we got married because we both were attracted to the idea of being a missionary. So we thought it would be good to experience it together. And yes that is when we fell in love with Africa.
We packed up everything and headed across the world in June of 2009 and would not be returning till mid-January. We spent our first 6 weeks in Malawi with the Simtowe family. Then we traveled on to Zambia where we stayed with the Moore family for about a month. And after we continued on to Tanzania to a village called Mumba where Josh and I had both been to the first time we went.
We spent about five months here and this was the time where we experienced a love that no one can ever describe, a love that changed our lives, a love that showed us how life was meant to be lived, a love that no matter what would or could happen would never go away, a love that will make us stronger one day.
A little baby joined our family in the begining of September, she was barely around 5lbs. Her mother had passed away during child birth and she was found by a neighbor out in the garden, and then taken to a nearby orphanage. This was the orphanage that Lynn, a missionary I had worked with during my first visit, helps by taking newborn babies that are under weight and gives them special attention and care so that they will be able to survive. This is also the orphange that I had helped at during my first visit.
When we arrived Lynn had a sweet, tiny (and when I say tiny I mean tiny) 4.6 lb little baby in her home. About a week later this little baby came and stayed with Josh and me and we never gave her up. She stayed with us the rest of our time in Africa. Jenni was her name, the sweet little girl that brought us so much joy and became part of our family instantly.
As time went by Jenni grew into a healthy and happy baby that loved to laugh. Her favorite was bath time with Josh every morning, and when he would play the guitar for her and sing, she would be mesmorized by him evertime. As our love grew more and more for this little girl it became more difficult to imagine going back to the states without her. Josh and I had talked alot about what would happen when we left or even if we should leave. We also discussed the possibility of me staying while he came back and finished school. But, by the end of the trip we knew being apart would probably not be great for our marriage, especially when I had no idea when I would see him next.
Then we knew it was time to start planning how we would get back to her after he had finished school. But let me tell you that leaving her not knowing when we would see her next was honestly the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. After about five months in Tanzania with Jenni, Josh and I left and started our week long trip back to the states. Within a couple of days of our departure Jenni returned back to the orphanage.
We returned home around the second week into January. I started work back up and Josh started his last semester of classes. It was not until somtime in mid-February we had found out that she was sick and in the local clinic with the possibility of having malaria. See the thing is in Africa you never really now exaclty what they have because of the lack of adequate medical facilities in rural areas . We prayed and prayed and shared with others all around us what was going on. We had alot of people praying for her.
This was the one thing I was terrified of happening after leaving her. Later on that week we heard that she was still not doing any better and the clinic she was at could do nothing more for her. They sent her back to the orphanage, which Josh and I knew was the worst news we could get. We began looking at tickets for me to leave right then and go be with her, but time was too short and on February 24, 2010 we received the news she did not make it.
I cannot tell you exactly what I felt at that moment, but it felt like my whole world was gone. I don't think some people realize how much of an affect she had on Josh and me and how we truly felt about her. Looking back on the morning we left her is still so hard for me to think about because I still struggle with the thought that that was the first mistake. I can still say the biggest regret in my life was leaving her.
Life is not the same now that we know we will not have the joy of seeing her grow and be a part of our family in the way we dreamed she would be. It has now been a little over a year, but the pain is still so real in our lives. Many days, the pain is still as fresh as the day it happened. We both were so angry about the whole thing and especially angry with God because we couldn't understand how he allowed it to happen.
But, as time goes by I realize we live in a fallen world and bad things happen and I cannot blame Him. I can only thank Him for the gift of allowing us to have the time we did with her. We have come to realize He can get us through anything and that he can even use broken situations, like this one, to shape us and to give us direction and purpose in life. We just keep reminding ourselves that we have to trust Him and that is all we can do. Easier said than done, but everyday is a new day.
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